What is like to have a speech problem?

I have had Cerebral Palsy since birth. CP effects my whole body, like controlling my hands. Someone needs to feed me and help me dress. I cannot walk. It is very hard to understand me. It is like I am speaking in a different language. When I was about 7 my brother taped recorded me, and I could not understand myself. I knew I had a speech problem, but not that bad.

I was going to speech therapy, and I hated it. I had to make funny sounds like “th” or “sh” or “st” on and on. I did not understand why I needed to do this.  In speech therapy I worked on controlling my Drooling. Sometime my front of my shirt was wet from Drooling. After years I still have that problem.  I can’t control my tongue. Sometimes I spit but I cannot help it.

Being able to speak clearly is a gift from God. Being able communicate with other is powerful. I believe that people who know me well can understand me about 75 to 90 percent of the time. People who do not know me can understand me about 25 to 40 percent of the time.

Moses had a speech problem. In Exodus 4:10 Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” So, the Lord said to Moses your brother Aaron will speak, in Exodus 4:14.
What is like you need to repeat yourself every time?

Every time I say something I need to repeat myself few times. I don’t mind it that is life. I like when a person repeats the word I just said. This help me to know that person I am talking to, understood me. If he didn’t understand me, I will repeat the word or try to spell it, but I am poor at spelling. If he didn’t understand me, I will say a different word.

As I am older sometime my voice gets loud when I am trying to talk. The harder I am trying to speak clearly, my voice gets louder and louder. I don’t know why? So, I stay quiet if I don’t have nothing important to say.

Most people who don’t know me think I have a low I Q because they can’t understand me. In college I had to take an I Q test, because I had problem with reading. My I Q was above average.

When people pat me on my head or called me boy, because of my speech, or because I am in a wheelchair, I get peed off. But I just sit there and be quiet. If I try to say anything my voice would get loud, and I would look like a jackass.

The Pain Of Speaking

I cannot speak too clearly.
Each time I open my mouth
the sound comes out wrong.
Each time I say something,
 I have to repeat myself.

Sometimes, people can’t understand me.
 can't get mad at them,
it is not their fault.
I can't get angry at me,
it is not my fault.

I have to always keep cool,
or I would look like a jackass.
I can't yell, 
or I would look like a fool.
I do not want to talk to people
I do not know,
because they will not understand me.
Why should I take the time?

Do you know how to speak to someone
who cannot understand you?
Do you know how it feels
when someone says, "I understand you,"
but has no clue
what you were talking about?
Do you know what it is like
 when someone says,
"You are not trying to speak clearly?
Why should l take the time
to talk with them?

But if I don't take the time,
I wouldn't meet new friends.
I would be alone.
Being able to speak clearly
is one of the great gifts from God.

I must understand how difficult it is for people to understand me. I need to take my time when I am speaking, or nobody could understand me. I need to use simple words so people who don’t know me might understand a word or two. Sometimes people know me I need to use words are simple to say.

Through my life I had lot of struggles speaking is the most difficult struggle.

Charles Breunig

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